Gonna Love Me

Losing Nana put things in perspective for me. Whether I like it or not there were a few realities that I needed to face. The world has changed so that family comes second place to everyone and everything else.

She was alone most days waiting for someone to pay her a visit. Someone to do her some charity and spend an hour or two. I recall adding a calendar invite on my phone and promising myself that I would do better.

Time gets away when you’re busy “Robbing Peter to pay Paul” an old cliche that my dad often expressed. And there I was, from 2009 to 2017 hustling to get back on my feet after the recession. Even though I invited Nana to come stay countless times, finding money to stay consistent on bills took up most of my time.

She sat their in the rehabilitation home complaining over food and how the poorly the attendants treated her. Nana deserved much better treatment from her children and grands.

That’s not to say none of us cared, but I understood it very clear, this generation had to play make up for the previous ones. Many of us lost our parents young due drugs and violence. We had to make it on our own.

Interestingly Nana’s not alone here. There are millions of seniors in nursing homes going through similar circumstances. When will we wake up to know that our ancestors hold the key to our future successes.

Nana could have lived to be much, much, older given the proper care and attention. I remember growing up watching the news highlight concerns for aging populations. I used to wonder what the real problem was, today I get it.

Social security and retirement plans aren’t enough. So in this season of global sickness and strife Nana moved on to be with the maker.

The emotional state I find myself currently in is one of arrested development. It’s like knowing and feeling that nothing we can do to get out of this rat race we’re in.

In my final visits to see her, grandma and I set quietly. I read the Quran and she listened; beautiful book. I see now why she felt in love with it. The Quran reshaped her mind and thinking, opening her eyes to see beyond the world as many of us know it.

Despite losing Nana, all my memories of her are good. Even the days we spent arguing can be interpreted differently. When I would go to visit her, occasionally I would rub through a laundry lists of “Do you wants”, she would always respond politely”No thank you.”

The only thing that would change that was to offer of a hug in which her response every time was “yes.”

Despite us not being there for her the way that we should have been, Nana love us unconditionally. She, through her actions showed me the key to eternity’s secret. That secret is love. Love transcends beyond the grave.

I may have lost Nana, but through our connection lives own. I will always have love for her.

In the last few years of her life the creator constantly spoke to me.

These quiet conversations in the form of reflections remind me that Nana had a undeniable dopeness about her. She always stayed sharp in her thinking and her dress.

If you knew her you might have hated her. Not because she did anything wrong, no, because she did most things right. She had a sense of undeniable respect and dignity. Aretha Franklin was one of her favorite artists.

She kept her self together exercising and eating healthy daily. She loved egg salad and peanut butter and banana milkshakes.

I hope that in reading this you find someone close to you to love. We have to embrace our love ones while they’re still here.

In summary, Nana knew I was gonna love her therefore she had no problem being herself. I encourage you to learn to appreciate your God given talents.